Darkness Within

25 Apr

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I was first diagnosed with depression and prescribed anti-depressants toward the end of my Sophomore year of college.

I had gone to the Doctor complaining of always being tired and after some questioning, he decided I was depressed.  I didn’t take it very seriously.  I took the medication for about a month and when I didn’t feel any different, stopped taking them.

Less than a year later, I had to withdraw from school and move to Corpus Christi because I was suicidal.

I spent the next year in therapy.  I worked hard to get to a good place without the use of anti-depressants.  I really thought there was no way I’d ever find myself in such a state again.  While I’ve never found myself in that kind of suicidal state again, I’ve struggled off and on with a deep depression and the struggle of what is the root cause of these issues.

For me, depression really isn’t about sadness.  I would describe it as a numbness.  Over the years, I’ve found that a period of depression usually comes when I’ve experienced a very stressful situation or prolonged periods of anxiety.  It’s more like being completely overwhelmed and my emotions shutting down.  I withdraw from interactions with family and friends.  I become unproductive because I have no drive or energy.  All the while, I’m aware that this is happening, want it to change, and feel like a bit of a prisoner within myself.

It takes time and effort to overcome those periods of depression.  I’ve tried numerous anti-depressants over the years and I’ve yet to find one I like.  What I’ve found that helps more than anything revolves around my spirituality.  Being involved in my church and everything that entails brings the swiftest relief I’ve found, but it still takes time and effort.

I’ve been struggling lately.  The past few weeks were the worst of it, but thankfully I seem to be crawling out of my dark place.  I don’t understand exactly what the root cause is, but I’m grateful I know how to combat it.

One Response to “Darkness Within”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. While we’re on the subject of depression… | brandidandy - August 12, 2014

    […] I’ve shared some of my experience before. […]

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