The Experiment

22 Dec

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A few months ago, my ward’s Relief Society was passing around a book- The Faith Experiment, by Laurel Christensen. This little book that took me an hour to read packed a powerful message and helped me realize that I was standing in the way of my hopes and dreams.

When my divorce was finalized two years ago, I decided my chances of having a family died with it. I made this decision in order to protect myself from further disappointment and pain. A family is all I had desired for so long, but I knew I didn’t want to just run into my next relationship with only that in mind. I knew it would take time for me to be truly ready to love again. Considering that I was already in my early 30’s, time wasn’t exactly on my side.

It was easier to believe that I would just remain alone.

The problem is that my heart knows better. I still long for that family. The spirit whispers that a family is out there for me. Deep down there is still hope.

The problem is that I’ve been to afraid believe it. What if it never happens? Can I survive another heartbreak? Will my heart harden if I don’t get what I ask for? Am I even worthy enough to want such a blessing?

It’s a crisis of Faith.

I have to believe that my righteous desire for a family will be provided if I just ask, act, and believe.

I have to pray to my Heavenly Father and ask for Him to provide the desires of my heart. This has been the hardest for me to do so far. I promise to do it tonight.

I have to do everything in my power to be worthy and prepared. This requires my dedication and action. I have to show that I am ready for the blessing.

Finally, I have to believe that a family will be provided to me. Without faith, I will surely fail.

I’m ready to take the leap!

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