Super Bowl Sunday, I was sitting around watching the game, when I got a text message from a very dear friend. She asked me if I had a boyfriend. I told her I had been dating, but that I was not in a relationship. She responded by saying she wanted me to meet her cousin. Would it be okay to give him my number? I told her that would be fine and figured, what do I have to lose?
That was a little over two months ago.
Such a short period of time, and yet it feels like we’ve known each other forever. Some have suggested it’s because we are having a long-distance relationship. That might be the case. We communicate much more than I think we would in person. When we did meet up in Memphis at the end of February, we made each minute count because we knew it would have to last us a while. It’s just more intense I guess.
I’ll see him again in two weeks and I am so excited I can hardly stand it. But that’s not the point of what I want to write about today.
I’ve been completely single for two years, and I’ve gone into this relationship with a healthier mentality than I think I’ve ever had before. Even so, I’m still me. I still think too much, and worry, I’m still logical and analytical, and apparently I’m still a little scared. I’m so much better at managing my stress, but I know that I have my limit. When I reach it, my self-control weakens and I act in a manner that I truly can’t stand. And then I’m disgusted with myself, which only makes it worse.
Yesterday, I was a mess. I have a full plate of responsibilities, I’m still trying to settle into the new place, the move has me financially strapped, and on top of it all there’s this new relationship that needs my attention and care. I’m stretched thin and tired, but I think I could handle all of that if I weren’t also falling in love.
I’ve been trying to not let it happen because it’s scary. I’m thinking of all the ways it can go wrong. Thinking about how illogical and crazy it all is. But it isn’t working. Every time he makes me laugh, I lose a little bit of the control I’m exerting over my emotions and I fall a little bit further in love with him. I was a crying, worrying, feeling mess yesterday and he handled it like a champ.
He listened to me, comforted me, assured me, prayed for me and supported me. He kept a positive attitude and never once beat me up about it like I expected him to. He encouraged me and reminded me to turn it all over to the Lord. I felt loved and cared for and safe. Which is what I really needed to feel.
It’s still really new, but already really good. It’s still scary, but much less so now.