I don’t think it was a coincidence when I discovered that my ex-husband was getting re-married just a few days after I went to the temple to receive my endowment. It was designed to throw me off course, and sadly it did.
I’ve been struggling with happiness and peace for months now and mostly blaming it on work, but knowing that it was more. It’s funny how you can know something and yet not understand it at all.
I hit an especially low point back on the 4th of July. I was feeling particularly lonely. I had plenty of options that day and many people that I could spend time with, but all I could think about was the loss of family.
Holidays were a time, in my former life, that I was surrounded by family. We would barbecue and invite everyone over to celebrate. It was “our thing”. And now, well it’s just not that way. And I realized, once again, how much I’m still mourning my marriage. Not my ex-husband, but the marriage. And how exactly do you get over that? I just haven’t figured it out yet.
I shared all of this with a close friend and she frankly told me that it was time to pray and ask Heavenly Father to remove the pain and loss from me. I’m not sure why, but I had never thought of that option. Would He just remove it for me?
This past Sunday, I felt so low and decided that I had to try. I prayed with all of my might and asked Heavenly Father to remove the pain and the burden of the difficult marriage and subsequent divorce. I told him that I trusted He would. And I went to sleep.
I remember feeling well-rested Monday morning, but honestly forgot all about the fact that I had said this prayer. It has been an amazing week for me. I’m feeling a level of peace and happiness that has eluded me for a while now. I have so much more hope and drive. It’s night and day really.
Driving to work this morning, a song came on the radio… A song which should have constricted my heart like it usually does and made me remember how broken my heart still is… Only, I felt nothing. Surprised, my prayer came flooding back to me and I wondered if it could be true! I made myself think of memories I have dared not remember, and once again… NOTHING.
Tears started streaming down my face as gratitude washed over me. I nearly sang a prayer of thanks for this very personal miracle my loving Heavenly Father gave to me.
Finally, I’m free.