I learned a new vocabulary word today boys and girls! Oh how I struggled to use it, but you know it felt pretty darn good afterwards. I may just have to use it more often!
But wait! Before I dive into that, let me please apologize for my last post. I was pretty down in the dumps if you couldn’t tell. Sometimes I just have to get that stuff out and then I feel so much better. I did and I do.
So, back to the subject at hand.
You see, not much has really gone the way I would like it to since I got here. Well, at first it did. But lately it’s been one thing after another. The job that I thought was “the one” didn’t work out. I didn’t even get an interview. There are no teaching jobs in this area right now because of a budget issue. I haven’t had even a nibble!
Last weekend while my husband was here visiting, we drove to Spur so he could see our dogs. While we were there, I asked my grandparents if the local school district might be hiring. Two phone calls and about 10 minutes later, I had an interview scheduled for the next day. Only, this wasn’t for a teaching position.
It was for a One-on-One Special Education Paraprofessional position. I would be working with one student all day long. He was a 4th grade boy with Cerebral Palsy. One of my duties would be to assist him in using the restroom and cleaning him afterward. I would be primarily responsible for his education because the entire district only has ONE Special Education teacher. I would essentially be acting as his teacher, but would not be paid as one. I knew I couldn’t expect much, but I had no idea that they could only offer me $12,000 a year.
I had already done the math for subbing all year and stood to potentially make at least $14,000 if I worked daily for the entire school year. So, I told him I couldn’t take less than $14,000 to even consider the job.
He was able to offer me the $14,000 and then I had a big decision to make. On the one hand, this was guaranteed money with benefits and a foot in the door, but in a terribly small town an hour away from the city I’m currently living in. I wouldn’t be able to afford to drive back and forth daily and there’s no way I can live on my own for $14K, so I would have to move in with my grandparents. Which wasn’t a completely horrible idea.
On the other hand, if I stayed in Lubbock and waited to see if I got hired on to sub, I could also potentially find a second job. I’d have a better chance of getting my foot into the door with the districts I really want to work for and live where I really want to live, but as of now I’m not hired to sub and there’s no guarantee that anyone else will ever want to hire me.
And then there’s a million other things that I considered, but it all boiled down to the fact that when I thought about what the job would entail all I could do was feel dread. So I went to bed last night thinking that I would just have to take my chances and maybe start looking for jobs in other areas altogether.
When I woke up this morning, I was having second thoughts. I know that no one loves job hunting, but for me it is a particularly heinous form of torture. I thought it would just be easier to take it and be done with it. Not to mention that I really didn’t want to call the Principal and tell him thanks but no thanks. I actually started feeling guilty that I was going to turn the job down.
That’s when it happened.
All of a sudden I knew that this opportunity came along because I HAD to turn it down. I had to not settle. I had to not do the easy thing. I had to choose the hard thing, the right thing. As horrible and scary as it is to turn down the ONLY offer I’ve had, that’s exactly what I did because there has to be something better out there for me.
This is me letting it go. I know it will come and I’m going to stop trying to control WHEN it comes.