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Weighing In

27 Jul

Current Weight:  297.7 lbs
Loss:  -6.3 lbs
Total Loss:  -9.5 lbs
Emotion:  Whatever


It’s been 8 weeks since my last official weigh in.  So much has been going on, it’s kind of crazy.  I wasn’t really worried during that time whether or not I was losing weight- I was just trying to keep my pieces together.


When I first got here, 6 weeks ago (WOW), I immediately started working out.  I just wanted to try to make myself feel better, and it worked.  I guess it’s endorphins or adrenaline or something to that effect, but I started feeling much stronger.  


The problem is that I was still sad and confused and trying to understand why all of this has happened.  I can admit I got pretty bitter.  I wondered how much I have to go through in one lifetime.  I’ve already had a horrible childhood among other personal tragedies.  Seems like I’ve faced enough trials in this short life of mine.  I was having myself a regular pity party over here.  Maybe I still am.


All I know is that I’ve eaten enough bean and cheese burritos to last me a lifetime.  You see, food is my go to comforter and now that I live in a place that I can eat my childhood favorite, Taco Villa, I’ve been getting my fill.  Only it doesn’t actually make me filled.  It’s bad guys.  I’m well aware of it, but as of yet I haven’t been able to stop it.  


I need a Taco Villa intervention or something.  I’m working way too hard to keep sabotaging myself this way.


To keep this from being completely negative, just let me say that I’m stoked I hit a milestone of being under 300.  I don’t EVER want to go back.  

Back on Track

14 Jun

I can’t believe it’s only been a week since everything went wonky in my world.  It feels like an eternity.  But you wanna know the good news?  I’m surviving!  I’m even…  Smiling!  I know!

It was a roller coaster week and I swear just about everything that could go wrong Saturday, did.  My attempt to raise some money with a yard sale failed miserably, I got stuck for an extended period of time at my in laws, my a/c broke, and I lost my place to live when I get home.

BUT I woke up yesterday with a good attitude and determination and everything worked itself out.  I’m fully packed with the exception of all of my paperwork which is my project this week.  I’m going to attempt to purge and organize my boxes upon boxes of files.  I horde papers like no ones business.  I’ve always been afraid to throw anything away, but not anymore!  I’m not taking this clutter with me!

So anyway, I’m writing all of this to tell you that I’m trying to get back on track.  I was able to go to the grocery store this weekend and get some good food.  I’m not going to track my points this week because I just have way too much going on, but I’m going to eat 3 meals a day that are healthy and fall into the good health guidelines.  Plus, I have been doing so much physical activity, I’m pretty sure I’m losing weight.  My jeans are loose this morning!

I just want to thank you again for your support and prayers and well wishes.  They have meant a lot to me!

Oh, and I know I’ve posted this before, but many of you weren’t around back then.  I’ve been watching it everyday to remind myself that there is so much to be grateful for.

Hunger

2 Jun

When I was a teenager, my dad and step-mom joined Weight Watchers because they both felt that they needed to lose some weight.  And they did.  But that’s not the point.  I remember my dad telling me that he liked feeling hungry because it told him that he was doing a good job.  And I thought long and hard about that.  It was the first time I imagined what I had always considered to be a negative feeling as a potentially positive one.

This idea has expanded for me over the years.  I had a pretty turbulent childhood and consequently have felt many emotions that I would consider negative.  At the same time, now that I have some years, and therapy, and perspective under my belt- I can see how these things had a very positive impact on me.  In fact, it is the very struggle that I’ve experienced that made me as strong as I am today.  Without it, I am sure I would not be the person I am.

I have this theory about the world these days.  It seems like we avoid any “negative” emotion at all costs.  We go out of our way to keep from having to experience these feelings that don’t necessarily feel good.  And we go to extreme measures to keep our loved ones (especially children) from possibly experiencing them.  And it is this very avoidance that ends up costing us more than we realize.

In an effort to avoid being hungry physically, I’ve kept myself from feeding so many other “hungers”.  I’ve known for YEARS that I would need to lose a significant amount of weight to have a healthy pregnancy.  My Dr. was willing to help me get pregnant, but I thought it would be selfish to put my child’s health at any possible risk.  Not to mention that I would be putting myself at risk as well.  And while I’ve made some attempts in the past two years, I’ve never been in this fight whole-heartedly.

And it’s not just about babies.

I’ve said it a million times before.  Even though I’m not looking to be super thin, I also don’t want my weight to be a lifetime struggle.  I want to develop a healthy relationship with food.  I don’t want to be in love with it.  I don’t want to be in my 70’s and still freaking out about 10 pounds and forever wishing I were thinner.  And yes, that’s based on a real person in my life.  I want to be living!

So, as I sit here and my tummy rumbles, I am grateful.  Hunger is my friend and a reminder that I’m doing something right.  It doesn’t hurt, but it’s a little uncomfortable…  But not nearly as uncomfortable as trying to squeeze into clothes, feeling eyes on me everywhere I go, trying to fit into booths at restaurants, swollen ankles…  You get the picture.

How has hunger helped you?

Gaining Perspective

2 Jun

Current Weight:  304.8 lbs
Loss:  +1.4  lbs
Total Loss:  -2.4 lbs
Emotion:  
unsurprised


Oh, the excuses…  I’m wearing jeans.  I’m retaining water.  I cheated earlier in the week.  I didn’t track this weekend.  You get the picture.


I know exactly how it happened, and I know exactly how to fix it.


I’ve stayed on plan today and have tracked all day.  I have a meal plan for the week.  I have a bachelorette dinner Saturday night that I’m saving my extra points for.  I’m just going to focus one day at a time, one meal at a time.


Most of all, I’m not going to let this gain make me want to give up.  I’ve been down that road too many times before.

Top Secret

25 May
Que the spy music…

The information I’m about to share with you is strictly confidential.  It is my secret to success…  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you-

My Daily Meal Plan:

Weight Watchers allows you to eat whatever you want as long as you stay within your points.  If you wanna blow all of your points on Haagen-Dazs, you can.  However, they do have a few Good Health Guidelines that they recommend you follow.  And well folks, I think they’re pretty darn smart, so that’s where I begin my plan for the week.

Breakfast:     TOTAL 10 pts.
Dairy 1pt.
Fruit 1pt.
Whole Grains and Protein of some fashion 8pts.

Lunch:     TOTAL 11pts.
Dairy (yogurt or pudding) 2pts.
Fruit 1pt.
1 serving of Veggies 0-1pt.
Whole Grains and Lean Protein of some fashion 7-8 pts.

Dinner:     TOTAL 12 pts.
Dairy 1pt.
2 servings of Veggies 0-2 pts.
2 servings of Healthy Oils 2 pts.
Whole Grains and Lean Protein of some fashion 7-9 pts.

Snacks:      TOTAL 3 pts.
Basically whatever floats my boat.  Hummus, Popcorn, Nuts, Cereal…

And that’s it in a nutshell.  I pretty much eat the same breakfast and lunch all week but mix up the fruits and veggies for some variety.  I leave the snacks open so I can just eat what sounds good to me that day.  I plan several dinners that fall within my points range and make enough for left overs so I’m not cooking everyday.  Tomorrow I’ll share more about what I’m eating for lunch these days!

This message will self-destruct in 10… 9… 8…

Week 1 Weigh-In

25 May

Current Weight:  303.4 lbs
Loss:  -3.8 lbs
Total Loss:  -3.8 lbs
Emotion:  Satisfied

It was a rollercoaster of a week.  I’m super glad I lost, but still a little disappointed.  I can’t help it!  I know it could have been much more impressive!  I can’t change last week, but I can have a better week.  I’m off to a good start!  Especially now that I’m not feeling attached to the toilet!  Sorry.

Oh a different note, it feels a little strange being back in the WW meetings.  I’m not going on my usual Tuesday night, so it’s a totally new group of people who think I’m brand new.  However, the leader is the same and she treats me like I’ve been there forever.  I’m sure it will get better, but I was super uncomfortable tonight.  I’m seriously considering moving to the Tuesday night meeting again.  We’ll see.

Does anyone have a kick in the pants to give me?  I need one.

Preparation

24 May
TMI Alert:  I’ve been throwing up since last night.  I think my homemade guacamole and squash/zucchini slices didn’t agree with me.  The vomiting is over, but now the issue has moved *ahem* south.  I hate vomiting and I hate being sick.
Today is weigh-in day!  I’m really not sure what to expect.  So I’m basically not allowing myself to expect anything.  I don’t want to be disappointed.  I doubt there will be a gain, but you never know!  I still haven’t replaced the watch battery in my scale at home so I have no idea where I’m at.  I’ll try to get that posted tonight!
So, onto the business at hand.  After a few days of struggling last week, I determined that I would need to be better prepared for the week ahead.  I have to make this lifestyle change fit in to my routine or else it isn’t going to work.  I’m going to be sharing things throughout the week that will help me stay on track.
I don’t know about you but I’ve found that if I have a good breakfast, I will stay on my plan for the rest of the day.  I don’t know if it’s about metabolism or if it’s just mental.  I know that when I have breakfast, I feel like I’m off to a good start and it motivates me to keep it going.  And on the same token, when I don’t eat breakfast, I feel like I’ve already screwed up the day and it can throw the whole day off…  Like Friday.
I’m not a morning person.  I’m doing good to get up and get to work on time most days, so breakfast can’t be a big production.  That’s why I spent about an hour Saturday morning making a big batch of whole grain waffles.  I then froze them.  When I get up, I can throw it in the toaster, slather on a Tbsp. of Nutella and grab a piece of fruit.  I can even eat it in the car if necessary.  That combined with a glass of milk and I’ve got a completely satisfying breakfast.
Speaking of milk, I got some Almond Milk last week because there was an awesome coupon and you know what?  I think it’s super yummy!  It’s lower in calories, fat, sugar, etc. than even regular fat free milk.
What did you have for breakfast?